Forgetting. Such a simple word, but with such strong implications. I easily forget my keys, friend's birthdays, and how to do accounting; why then is it so hard to let go and forget the past? It's crazy to me that so much time can pass and we can still feel so much in regards to a situation.
One of the most painful experiences in life is going through a serious break up. Most people experience at least one, and though I do believe it is a strengthening experience, it is none the less a painful process. I went through a break up last May. Despite which end you are on, these break ups bring emotional turmoil, confusion, and sadness. Once we "get over" someone (whatever that means...), shouldn't we forget? Forget the memories, good and bad. I wish it was that simple. I have moved on since May, and so has the person I used to call my own. The Lord has brought me to a great place of loving and relying on Him. The Lord has healed my heart, and I wouldn't take back a thing that has brought me to where I am today. I do wish, however, that I could change the memories. I long for the day that I can run into this person from my past and not have a thousand memories rush my mind, while a thousand emotions swell up inside.
It's odd, you know? Odd to go from knowing everything about someone to not knowing much at all. One minute you know if they had baked or regular chips for lunch and the next you don't even know if they're still in the same major. I don't write these words with sadness; I am simply writing out of observation. One of my favorite songs is "How's It Gonna' Be," by Third Eye Blind. :::::
My favorite line is when the band says "how's it gonna' be, when you don't know me anymore?" I think anyone who has been through a breakup, or lost a friend, or moved away- anything- can relate to this. It's an odd experience to not know much of anything about someone, yet you also hold memories deep inside that you haven't forgotten.
I sometimes wonder why break ups of all kinds are so painful. Why does God allow us to be so attached to people and then for it to end so abruptly and painfully? Our relationships are called to point towards the Lord; whether that relationship is between friends, husbands and wives, employees and employers...the list goes on and on. It is I that chose to not guard my heart in my past relationship, and the more of myself I gave, the more I will always carry that with me. Its a product of a broken world. Jesus has healed my heart, and redeemed me, but we still live in a fallen world in which we face consequences for the choices we've made.
Do I wish we could forget these memories? Being able to forget the past would certainly make things easier. However, no matter how painful some of these memories can be, they are beautiful and they are real. My past has brought me to where I am today, and though I am guilty of giving too much of my heart away, I am grateful for the love I have tasted and shared. In that love, parts pointed me to the Lord, and I'm thankful for that. In that same love, parts also didn't point me to the Lord, and I'm grateful that I can now see that clearly.
Forgetting. It's not easy, and in some cases not really possible. This is my own opinion, but I feel that though we can forgive in this world, we can not forget. I am so thankful for the Lord forgetting my offenses, and it's something I don't think I'll fully comprehend while on this earth.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."-Isaiah 43:18-19
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