And He is mine

For I am my beloved's & He is mine. - Song of Solomon 6:3 -

Jesus, the first part I grasp and easily believe. I'm not quite sure why you're so long suffering with me- but I know that love me and therefore, I am yours. You created me. You know me. You're with me. I am yours.

Yet...part two. Hmmm. You're mine. YOU are...mine? How? How God? How could I contain you, "own" you? Why would you make yourself vulnerable to me? You're complete without me. Why do you give your perfect self to one (me) whom you know is imperfect? You know that I will fail you. All "wisdom" or "logic" would rightly tell you that you're a fool to choose to be mine. 

>>The other day as I wrote this prayer in my journal, I waited and no answer came. The easiest thing I could come up with is, "well, God is love! That's why." And that is true- but there is more. I felt the Holy Spirit laying Ephesians 2:13-22 on my heart. It reads:
But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man of two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

In the simplest terms, God made us to have relationship with Him and bring Him glory (through loving Him). To be His and He to be ours. Like two who are in love, both giving themselves and choosing to be given to the other. When our sin separated us from God, how were we to be fully His and He ours with our sin creating a barrier to His holiness and perfection? Jesus.

Because in Christ we are one with God. IN Christ. By Him and through Him! What does that really mean? Surely we will never tire of studying His word. But yes- through His son, God has redeemed us into His family once more in an even sweeter way than the beginning: this love took Him sacrificing His son for us. And because of what Jesus has done, we can now call God "ours." It's not haughty, or prideful. Undeserved, yes. I have this picture of my parents- I could give them absolutely nothing, yet they chose to have me and called me their own. It's easy to see that I was theirs. However, they in return, are mine. Forever. And they want to be! This is a dim and simplified representation of us with God. I can bring him nothing but myself- but He wants just that. We are now one with Christ . We are God's- yes! BUT He is also ours! Don't let the enemy steal the joy you have with your beloved. He is yours! The only logical and worthy response to the God of all creation humbling Himself to be ours is joy, praise, and radical love.

Jim.

It’s been the perfect day. You know those days… relaxing. Filled with peace. My day started with brunch with a best friend, a good run in the perfect September weather, and now finishing up some school work at the Starbucks that my wallet has come to dread. I’m cozied up in a nook with a pumpkin spice latte (they’re back!), and there is a sweet man across from me.

He’s probably 70. A dark, black man with light, white hair. Thick glasses frame his sad eyes, and his hands shake as he pokes at the laptop in front of him. As I’m reading some page of my book for the third time because I can’t focus, I look up to see him speaking to me. I take out my headphones, and just begin to listen.

His name is Jim. It was James, and some people call him Jimmy. But his favorite is Jim. He asks me what I’m studying and then goes into a long rant about his past in Raleigh, Japan, and Norway. As he finishes speaking, he looks at me with his sweet, sad eyes. There is insecurity in them as he says, “well, I will let you get back to work…” It was my perfect chance. He opened the door for me to smile and carry on with my reading. And I must say, it was a tempting opportunity. But something in me knew he needed me more than my computer screen. As I look at his naked, left hand I wonder if he has lost a wife or if he ever had a wife at all. I decline his offer and we spend the next 20 minutes talking about N.C State, Christmas, and how he wants to be cremated instead of buried.

As we spoke, I asked the Lord what He wanted from this conversation. Should I share Jesus with him? Ask to pray for him? Give him a scripture? I didn’t share the gospel with him. I didn’t do anything. I just…was. I was a human BEing rather than a do-er. Not that sharing anything with him would have been wrong; in fact, I know the Lord would have moved through that decision. But it was nice to just enjoy him. Jim.

How often do I brush people aside? I know that there are times when we legitimately don’t have time to talk with others and offer 30 minutes of our time. But, more often than not, we do. When I’m Jim’s age I want to look back on my life and see people. I don’t want to see money, careers, cars, or even places of travel. I want to see Jim’s face…the little girl I nannyed last summer…I want to see souls that have been touched. Touched by the Lord, or touched by Jesus’ love flowing through me. There is a peace we find in Him that the world needs.

All of us can play it cool. We can hide behind our busy schedules, our busy lives, and our organizations. But at the end of the day, we are all in need. We are “emotional vacuums (as my pastor, Colby Lehmann says),” that need love, acceptance, and relationship, and you’re terribly wrong if you think you’re an exception to this. Only God can fill the fullness of this void in each person, but since God lives in my heart, I can spread His love to a world around me that needs it. Maybe not to a thousand people at once, but just to someone every once in a while. And today, that person was Jim. I’m thankful for his interest in my life. For his advice about visiting Norway. And for his thick, black rim glasses that make me feel more at home as I wear glasses myself.

John 13:34-35

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

A Young Heart, An Old Soul

A Young Heart,
          An Old Soul

I think that I may have the world fooled. Most people think I am much more social than I truly am. Much more extroverted. Much more dependent. And probably, much more blonde. Though I suppose that all of these descriptions hold some validity, I find that in truth, I am quite different. You see, it’s a Friday night and I’m alone in my apartment with Pride and Prejudice on in the background and my blanket wrapped around me tightly. By choice. Nights like these, I would choose over many things- and being with my family or a few close friends would come in at the close second.

As I watch Pride and Prejudice tonight, I find myself jealous. Not over the romance and love from Mr. Darcy for Elizabeth (though a bit, yes…!); but rather, jealous of the s l o w n e s s  of life. The quietness. The letters. The fact that even though they may have sat bored for hours, they sat for hours nonetheless. And while sitting for hours in one another’s company, they didn’t feel socially inept or lazy. 

There is an element of freedom that I long to know- an element of freedom that is lacking in this day and age, and especially in western culture. While I stand immensely grateful for modern day comforts and ease, I stand equally troubled by the quickness of society.

Oh how I love to just sit at the feet of the Lord.

Whenever I merely sit with others doing “nothing” for longer than a few hours, both parties involved inevitably begin to feel like losers. But sitting with Jesus is different. He is the only one that I feel completely blessed, honored, and valued by when I do nothing but sit with Him. I know that as humans we were made to labor, be productive, and interact with others; but, we were also made to rest and to just…be. 

Though I feel as though the world has become almost incapable of finding this rest consistently, I am thankful that I find this true rest with the Lord often. In life, we have to plan to have vacations six months in advance- that’s the only way that we feel good about “doing nothing.” It’s timed. It’s infrequent. It’s controlled. With the Lord, I just stop anytime, all of the time, and it seems like the most important thing that I could be doing.

Being alone on a Friday night with my true Love doesn’t make me feel empty; but rather, lucky.  

 

And He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a lonely place and rest a while." For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat. (Mark 6:31)

The righteous man perishes, and no man takes it to heart; And devout men are taken away, while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from evil, He enters into peace; They rest in their beds, Each one who walked in his upright way. (Isaiah 57:1-2)

Peace Amidst The Storm

Exams, the Boston Bombing, a Texas Explosion. Where is peace? Even if you look beyond the 12 page paper you have due at midnight, you'll turn on the news to find images of innocent people killed and lives changed forever.

Tuesday I was feeling extremely overwhelmed. (*Note* that I am a Parks and Recreation major...I can't even imagine how my engineering friends feel at this time). If I looked at my planner, I couldn't find a day with free time. Every time I opened my inbox, there were new emails of people asking for commitments or reminding me of group projects and papers. Even good things that I enjoy began to seem like a task or duty. To make it worse, I felt a deep sadness and fear for what was happening in Boston. In short: I was anxious, stressed, and fearful.

Can anyone relate...?

I came to my room and just sat on the floor. I didn't want to call my mom, I didn't want to talk to my roommates, and even though I knew I needed to, I didn't want to talk to the Lord.

But, as always, I began to feel the Lord speaking to me. Gently, lovingly, patiently. We are called to more than anxiety and fear! There is a being that upholds the universe, and He knows the numbers of hairs on my head (Luke 12:7, Matthew 10:30). I felt the Lord showing me that even if the whole world says that it is normal to be anxious, scared, and overwhelmed...it is NOT. There is a place of peace with Him. The church is called to be a place of light in the darkness. As students around me are constantly complaining about exams, or as Americans are scared to run races now because of potential bombings, we are called to have faith in the Lord.

Do I sound insensitive to the events that have occurred? That isn't what I'm saying at all. The events are tragic. Innocent lives were taken and changed forever. I find the people responsible cowardly, and I find my first reaction to be fear and confusion. BUT, I am saying that the Lord is bigger. I was listening to my pastor, Rick Joyner, from my home church, in Charlotte give his response to the Boston Marathon bombing. He discussed that he is actually amazed that things like this don't happen more often. He talked about his thankfulness for our FBI, troops, and police force that are constantly working to prevent these things. The events that have occurred are wrong, and they are scary. But our response shouldn't be fear. We have a faith and a hope in One that is greater than the evil in the world.

And what about this One. What about God. Where was He when the innocent three died in Boston? ...He was watching, mourning, and disgusted by the evil. Much more than any person was. I love the empathy our nation has for those in Boston. It brings joy to my heart to see so many mourning the losses of those at Sandy Hook elementary, or those in the marathon. However, I do not want to forget that we are able to feel empathy because the Lord himself is empathetic. All good things come from Him. There is evil in the world; if you and I hate it, how much more does the Lord who created the world hate it? Life is not always fair, but God is. Life is not always good, but God is. Justice will be served for everything that has happened, but who am I to bring justice? One moment I'm laughing at my sister, and the next I want to ring her neck because she wore my jeans. Point being: I am in no condition to judge the world. But there is one worthy. There is one consistent. There is one faithful, righteous, and just. He is loving, He is perfect, and HE alone will bring justice and comfort to the hurting. The very one that upholds the universe has seen the tragedies. He also sees my stresses with school and internships, and He cares.

Since Tuesday, I have had an overwhelming feeling...of peace. As I have focused my gaze upon the Lord and all He is doing, I do not worry about anything. I hope that you're encouraged today to look to the Lord! It can be the hardest thing to do, I know. I understand. When you're sitting in your room and have 1,000 commitments, it's undoubtedly difficult to put those things on hold and try to spend time with the Lord. We want something tangible and immediate. But I promise that sitting in His presence, you will be fulfilled! Best of luck with exams and Happy Friday:)

"But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength..." -Isaiah 40:31
 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." -John 14:27

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  -Romans 15:13

Apple PB Granola Bars (gluten free!)

Alright, let's get something straight.  I am not strictly gluten-free, or vegan, or even a vegetarian for that matter! All of my experiences baking health-food treats have been disastrous, because the final product tastes like trash or prison food. HOWEVER, when I do find a good recipe that is simple, tastes good, and is also healthy, I can't help but want to try it out! I can vouch that these things are all of the three previously listed requirements. I found the recipe on Pinterest, and it didn't let me down. I hope someone else gives it a try and enjoys it as much as I have :) Bon appetite!

What you'll need:

• 2 cups of oats
• 1 Medium apple
• 1/4 cup of peanut butter
• 1/2 cup of honey
• 2 eggs (I used egg beater, so 1/2 cup of that)
• 1/2 tsp. of cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. of vanilla extract      
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Step One:
  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, and spray a 9x9 glass pan with pam. Set aside.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Step Two:
  Chop up the apple into small bits. 

  Add all ingredients, and stir well!
   
  
   
   
   Step Three:
  Put ingredients into the glass pan you set aside earlier. Pat down and smooth over with a spatula or spoon.
  (I didn't have a 9x9 dish, so I used an 8x11 and just didn't spread the mixture out to fill the whole thing!)
  
  
  
   
  Step Four: Bake for 20-30 minutes or until edges are dark brown. The original recipe said only 20, but mine took longer to cook; however, that could just be the result of a non-fancy college kid stove. 
   
  Walla! Let them cool and enjoy! Just beware of the mess that you'll create, especially the honey that doesn't quite make it into the bowl.... (hehe, whoops!)
   
  
  
  
  
   
  
  
  
  

A Relationship Worth Fighting For

After being home this break, surrounded with family and reconnecting with old friends, I've noticed in myself something that maybe others can relate to. All too often when I love and care for someone, I want to try and fix them...their life, their relationships, their problems, their happiness. We try to "fix" others, but in reality this is an affront to the cross; we are not God, and can not be anyone's savior, no matter how hard we try, or how much that person wants us to be.

Compassion and control are not the same. Many times, as I am trying to help someone and becoming overwhelmed by doing so, I think that I am having compassion. Most of the time (not always) I am really just trying to control their life. That sounds a little strong...but it is true.1 Corinthians 13 is well versed by most Americans... "Love is patient, kind..." etc, etc. However, sometimes when I try to love people, I just become frustrated. But, why? Because we can't fix others. The burden of others lives and salvation is not on us. We are not God.

You might think, "Well, Duh" to the statement above, but do you really live like you know that? We are not God. We are to, of course, be obedient and faithful to Jesus. Serving others, sharing His love. But serving someone isn't controlling their life and their decisions. It is no doubt hard to watch someone you love go down a path of destruction. You should talk to them, be honest, and love them. You should even be burdened by their choices. However, you shouldn't be burdened to the point of anxiety and frustration. If you find yourself taking on too much stress for another, stop and evaluate- we are NEVER to feel anxious. We are to balance love, serving others, and sharing the gospel, but we aren't to feel like we controlled/have control over someone's decisions.

Yet, at the same time our words have the power (because of the Lord) to change and affect eternities...

This balance of all of these ideas can feel overwhelming. How do you love but not control? But don't be overwhelmed. Our first commandment is to love the Lord with ALL (Matthew 22:36-40). When you love Jesus with all of you, you find fulfillment and peace, and the Holy Spirit guides you to naturally balance these things.

 Jesus! Do you know Him? Over this New Years, I had the opportunity to go to the "OneThing" christian conference in Kansas City, Mo. If there is one thing (ha!) that I took away from the conference, it is that Jesus is worthy. He isn't just a name, or a character in history, or a being we can't talk to. He is alive! He desires relationship with us. Yes, I have grown up in a Christian home. But for so much of my little twenty years, I didn't get it. I spent all of high school and much of college trying to fill my life with friendships, volleyball, school, and boys. None of these things are inherently bad in themselves, but they are empty when they are a substitute for Jesus rather than a supplement. I'll spend my life getting to know Him more. I've been best friends with my sister since I was born, yet I am always learning more about her and growing closer to her- relationships take time, patience, and love to cultivate. We are always changing...physically, mentally, emotionally. Jesus is never changing.

Do you know Him? I pray you do. He is more than a "passport stamp to Heaven" (as Mike Bickle says). So many are taught this. Believe in Him, try to live a decent life, and go to heaven. No! It's a relationship. Full of love. Everything you're looking for rests in Him- I don't care what this world, your boyfriend, or your boss tell you. So many talk about "heaven" as this paradise and don't even mention God. "Heaven" isn't enough in itself- I want Jesus! (As the deer pants for water, so my soul pants for you Oh God. Psalm 42:1) I want heaven because God the Father, Spirit, and Son are there! Jesus is my soul's desire. And He is returning to the world to claim those who know Him and to bring justice to the world.

 I know this seems confusing, maybe even foreign to some of you. But relationships take time to develop. Don't be intimidated. Don't believe the lie that "it's too late for me to understand all this." It is never too late! Blessed be the name of the Lord- He alone is Holy and Worthy! :)

"Who is a GOD like you, who pardons sin and forgives [our] transgressions...?"
-Micah 7:18

Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It's safe to say I, along with many others, find the time from Thanksgiving to Christmas to be the absolute best time of the year. I find myself wanting to hold onto the days, even in the midst of exam studying, because I want them to last as long as possible. Christmas lights and decorations, annoying songs on the radio that we all secretly love, the cookies my aunt makes that are addicting, and being able to spend time with family helps to make this time of year perfect.

So far, I've had a great December. It's been filled with some typical Christmas activities such as ice skating, and some random new things.

 The month started off with my roommates and I decorating our apartment. Even though we're not even really going to in our apartment for a long time before Christmas, we're girls and it's our nature to go all-out when it doesn't make sense.... Our favorite touch was these letters on the wall:

 

We originally had "Happy Birthday Kayla." But after it passed, we decided to improvise. 

Next, came my last campus pals meeting with this little goober. She doesn't smile for pictures....

 

Then came ice skating with a good group of friends :) Luckily I didn't fall, but to be fair, I didn't try anything daring. Kevin and Steve struck some nice poses for the camera. A few days later, my sweet roomies and I tried "Hot Yoga." Considering I can't even touch my toes, I was a little nervous- but it was absolutely awesome! We all felt amazing and looked horrible after.

Lastly, I was able to come home for a few days in between exams. My sweet sissy and I went to "Cowfish" to celebrate her 24th birthday- wowzah, that sounds old! What at angel! We finished off the night with coffee, decorating a gingerbread house, and enjoying the festive poinsettia courtesy of her fiance :)